coffee wasn’t made for the weak

So…mini rant.

*disclaimer: if you’re used to my ramblings and mini soul-searching blog posts, worry not! I have been working on one for a few days but…haven’t come full circle with it yet. BUT…it will be done before the weeks end, I can promise you that!

 

I used to think I like coffee. You know…when you were in high school and wanted to seem cool, so you drank coffee with creamer and sugar and by that I mean….Creamer, sugar, with a splash of that black monstrosity they call coffee.

I didn’t start drinking coffee just black until a year and a half ago, as the first step towards a full lifestyle change. This marked a massive transitional time in my life, as I started to care about what went into my body, and working out became a daily-no-quitting-do-it-even-if-you’re-tired thing for me. Since then…I’ve been drinking my coffee black with no sugar/stevia/honey/sweetener. So…imagine my surprise when I walk into Starbucks this afternoon, order a iced coconut milk latte, and take my first sip…

 

HOLY SMOKES there’s SO much sugar/sweetener/”simple syrup” in this bad boy, a true latte should be offended that this carries the same name. coffee, no matter how hard Starbucks may try, is not supposed to be a dessert. It shouldn’t carry 45656354 grams of sugar. IT’S COFFEE. the kick in the butt you ask for every morning to get your brain flowing. The stuff you have mid-afternoon to get you through to therapy (oh, just me? that’s fine!)

 

I didn’t think I’d have to ask for a latte to be unsweetened. Maybe I’ve been getting spoiled by all the *true* coffeeshops around Austin that I’ve been frequenting that…you know…believe in the pure goodness of a simple coffee+milk combination of a latte. Now…I hate confrontation-something I’m working out through therapy-but I couldn’t bring it to myself to ask them to make it unsweetened…so…my whole30, week 2, by specific rule, is over and it’s technically time to start from day 1 again. but…I’ve already done a whole 30, and I understand the fundamentals of the whole 30. The reason I started a second Whole 30 wasn’t to find out what my body doesn’t accept and what it does in terms of inflammation and allergies-figured that stuff out the first time. It’s to re-commit to a pure lifestyle. I’ve been lenient with my diet, and it’s showed. I just wanted to get back in the right mindset, and on the right path, and I feel like I have been. Just recognizing the fact that there’s so much sweetness to this drink is HUGE thing. Obviously, next time I hit up a Starbucks, I’ll have to be more specific when ordering, or just stick with a hot tea or iced coffee, where I can manage what goes into the coffee/tea itself.

 

Well… I hope everyone’s been having a great week and an even better day. The weekend is almost here, people! One more day…you got this!

Advertisements

With the seasons, we too must change.

What is it about change that makes you freak out? You hear all your life how necessary change is, and how it’s even more dire to be able to adequately adjust and accept all changes that come your way? As time goes by and you try to figure out who you are, you experience changes around every corner. You find new friends, and lose some of the old. Move to new places, and experience new things, new feelings. Society has made us believe that new is better. “Do you have the new iPhone? Did you see the new episode of The Walking Dead?” and any other answer than yes is greeted with a warm face of disgust and an un-empathetic “oh…I’m sorry…” like it’s your greatest goal in life to just be up to date on all things always. Well…you know what happens when you have the newest of everything? You miss out on experiences. And right now…I wouldn’t mind missing out on some of the experiences I’m experiencing. (Want me to say the word experience again?) Being 23 is by far the strangest age I can remember being. Surely someone reading this at 35 might feel differently. “Oh, she knows absolutely nothing about the years to come…so young,…so naïve” And to those people…you’re right. I have absolutely no idea what the future years in the world of Taylor may entail. But what I do know is that I’m 23 and am experiencing (ha…there it is again) a variety of emotions that I think I’d be OK with never having to endure. What are they? That’s a great question.

I can’t even put a definition on what I’m feeling, what’s going on inside my head, what my views of the world are in this exact moment… I know nothing. I know I feel the struggle of being a twenty-something with what feels like absolutely no direction. I’m questioning things, and by things I mean essentially everything under the sun. What are my views on God? Is true happiness ever truly attainable in a world that’s constantly changing and asking you to change with it? What does it really mean to settle? How come people tell you to chase your dreams and follow your heart, yet question your inability to stay in one place when you express your desires to get out and experience what’s pulling you in an opposite direction? The times I do open up to other people, they seem to have all these opinions on what I should be doing, how I should be feeling, or my personal favorite…they tell me my life and my views as they see they should be as a 23 year old girl. If there’s one thing I despise more than anything, it’s the picture of my life and how it should be—drawn out by some know-it-all late twenty-something who thinks they have everyone figured out. Listen… we are all humans, and yes, I can agree that we all have similar struggles in this super fun and awesome thing we call life…But you cannot categorize every 23 year old girl into one group and tie it up all pretty, then call it a day. I’m starting to realize how all over the place this post is… But I’m sure someone, somewhere can relate to the lack of structure and guidance throughout this. And honestly… that’s how my life’s been feeling lately; Lost without direction. I have no idea where I’m supposed to be, why I am where I am, why I’ve made the choices I have…everything is a giant question.

Self-reflection is too existent in my life. As you can tell, if you’ve even made it this far in reading this…everything’s kinda super jumbled. In terms of figuring it all out, I’ve made the decision to explore the avenue of therapy to sort it all out in attempt to get things to make sense. Sometimes you need to do what’s best for you, and if you don’t know what that is, then there’s no shame in admitting defeat and seeking professional help. Which is what I’m doing and honestly, if you’ve found yourself relating to anything in this post, anything at all, and are feeling a little lost, I’d suggest doing the same. We are only human, and we can only get so far alone. I think a lot of my problems stem from the fact that I tend to put more pressure on myself than any human ever should in every way possible. Why am I not an expert at the job I just started and am not expected to do anything but learn and fail forward at for the next 3 months? Why do I not know exactly what I want out of life? I have unrealistically high expectations of myself, which has lead me to living an overly-anxious life. The planner in me hasn’t been letting me enjoy the present. I’m constantly thinking about tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. Thus…am running the precious moments I’m living in.

The positive that’s come from all of this is that I have been going on long runs essentially every day rather than going to the gym because…lets be honest, when you get into a workout routine it becomes too routine, and you tend to get bored and lose interest. And for me right now…running is a win-win. I’m getting a solid workout in, and I’m clearing my head that’s just constantly overloaded with thoughts. My diet has…seen better days but I’ve been getting it back to where it used to ideally be. My motivation with keeping it super clean is that….it’s one of the few things I can fully control in my life. I have to learn to let go of trying to control every little thing, every outcome, because I’m starting to understand that to live, you have to let go a little bit. To fully enjoy what you have, you have to let go of the what-ifs. I’m not anywhere close to being a pro at it. Shoot…I just realized that 5 minutes into writing this ranting cluster of a post but hey, I’ll take the little victories as they come.

So, honestly, if you relate to this in any way and want to reach out…feel free to email me, comment below, whatever is fine. Life can be hard, but it can be even more difficult going at it alone. Here’s to another Monday in the books and changing what we can to better our tomorrows…or something like that.

Ch Ch Changes

Hello all!

I know it’s been a minute, or….months…since I’ve posted, but my life has been through a total 180 over the last month and a half and I’ve been on go, go, go essentially for a month straight. As you may recall, I had spoken of new chapters that I’ve been approaching in my life, and that includes moving from Memphis to Austin without a job, and crashing at my parents house while searching for that one opportunity to make a real name for myself in the business world. Well, months of searching and applying prior to my arrival paid off, as I locked down a job within the first week of being back, and move into my new place (yay) this coming Monday! I’ve hit the ground running with work, and am currently nearing the end of a 2 week work trip (what did I say? I wasn’t playing around!).

But…after 9 days straight without a day off, I finally have a moment to breathe and…update the blog with something that’s been weighing on my mind, and surely has passed through many others, over the last few weeks. How do you handle momentary or lifelong changes to your daily routines? So…I’ve been on the road, meaning…living out of a hotel with no gym and no kitchen for the last 9 days. Clearly, for a gym junkie and an avid clean/paleo eater…this brings all of the challenges of a routine lifestyle to the forefront of your days. Unfortunately, I’ve been eating things I normally wouldn’t, and eating out every. single. day. Which is, yes, driving me crazy. But I do try and make health-minded choices when eating out, but I haven’t won every single one of those food battles, and I’m trying to accept and come to terms with the fact that that’s OK. No one is perfect. We are not a perfect kind, and no one should expect that of themselves or others.

yes

This has been something I have struggled to accept for a year or so now, because of fear of returning back to and falling victim of old habits. So…I’m coming to terms of acceptance with these 12 days of less than ideal eating situations by reminding myself that when I get back home in a few days, all of it ends. And honestly, I can’t wait for it to end. I can’t wait to hit the gym for a 2 hour work out, and then go make an egg-white and spinach frittata BECAUSE I CAN and…who doesn’t love eggs?! Some time off the wagon doesn’t mean you’ve fallen off entirely. Good eating and hard workouts are more than just choices do or don’t make. This is a lifestyle you’re now a part of, and a week, or 12 days in my case, doesn’t erase the changes you’ve made and will continue to make. You are not your cheat meals. You are not the days you didn’t work out while away on business or vacation. You are a warrior, you are strong, and you live a healthy lifestyle that you’re more than likely stoked to get back to.

Life In A Whirlwind

The last 2 weeks have been too crazy. A lot of changes and realizations have occurred in my life on a personal level. Honestly…it’s been extremely eye-opening, yet entirely emotionally draining. I visited home (Texas) for a week, and essentially came to the conclusion that Austin is where my soul is, and I have to follow my soul. In that was a very valuable life lesson. What your soul craves cannot, and should not be ignored in ANY aspect of your life. if you’ve ever had that tight feeling in your chest or turn in your stomach or spark in the back of your mind that you’ve put away to ignore or think less of…don’t! That’s your soul trying to tell you something, and something important.

yes

It’s almost necessary to be in tune with your soul and its desires, because (I believe) that is where you’ll find your happiness comes full circle. You can have good physical health, but your mental clarity could be in harms way. There is no person or place or thing that is worth worsening your mental wellbeing, and that is something worth examining from time to time. Go after what you want, whatever that may be, and do it with your whole heart. Want to lose weight? Ok…then do it. Change something every day that can get you closer to what you want. Want a 6 pack? Great! Work those abs every day and clean up your diet more than you have before (less cheat days, you know abs are made in the kitchen!).

As for me, I want to find a job that fulfills the part of me that hasn’t been tapped into lately, and to be in a place that inspires me with people who are fearless: Austin. I want a more defined stomach, so I’m working out my abs harder than I have in the gym and indulging a heck of a lot less than I have been as of late. Hey…life is all about give and take. You CAN and you WILL do whatever you want as long as you believe you can. And guess what? YOU CAN! Just make the decision to believe in yourself and commit. You’d be surprised the changes that will transpire after the simple decision to try.

get it

What’s something you want to change but are too afraid of failure to take that first step? Also…if you have any tips to getting on point abs…PLEASE help a girl out! 🙂

Not Another Snow Day!

I’ve been stuck inside my house the last two days…again…but finally was able to get out today for a trip to Whole Foods (yay!). I’m so sick of this snowy nonsensical weather we’ve been having! it’s March-aka my birthday month and the best month there is-and it should be in the 60’s, with flowers just starting to bloom!

I hate, hate, hate being locked inside my house and unable to do anything because I get a serious case of the boredom munchies. You all surely know exactly what I’m talking about! I’ve been trying to occupy my time with searching for/creating new recipes, cooking, working out and writing, but… everything must come to an end, and when it does…the stomach rumblies (yes, I just made that a word) take over. Luckily, 98% of the food in the house is healthy and clean, it’s just so annoying to be stranded in a house, staring at your pantry, feeling as if your (maybe non-existent) hunger will never end.

I couldn’t quite make it to the gym today, as that would be a 30 minute drive (no thanks) in less than outstanding driving conditions (double no thanks), so I did a hiit cardio and abs video from fitnessblender.com. Seriously, if you haven’t checked out their videos, you’re doing a disservice to yourself. They’re GREAT. Whenever I’m not in the mood to be surrounded by people in the outside world, or get bored of my gym routine, I’ll search through their videos (there’s SOO many) and get a great workout in right at home. How convenient is that?!

As for right now, I’m slacking off on some training I’m in the middle of for work (snow days=online training days which=ADD in full swing). I’m planning on making some homemade clean whole wheat pizza dough (YUM!) tonight to use tomorrow, and it’s my first time ever attempting it, so wish me luck!

Have you ever made your own pizza dough? if so, how’d it go, and are there any tips you’d like to share to a newbie?

All the help in the world is wanted! Not gonna lie…I’m a little nervous for this experiment.

Lastly…HAPPY FRIDAY! ❤