The Song That Broke Your Heart

You all know what I’m talking about. For whatever reason, there’s that one song in your daily arsenal that, for lack of a better phrase, kicks your ass. Whether it’s the direct message being spelled out lyrically, your own interpretation of the lyrics, or maybe it’s a place those lyrics bring you to. For whatever reason it may be, this song entirely breaks you down.

How did you get to this headspace? Why are you reflecting on songs that break your heart, Taylor?

Music is a weird thing. It brings people from different backgrounds, different walks of life, different stressors together. It can explain a feeling when words fail to accurately depict one’s emotional stance. Then there’s the aspect of the whole music thing that can take you out of your current situation and bring you to a different mental state; a different place; a better time.

Right now, for me, that song is “Kansas City”. I’d tell you what it’s about, but I’ll do one better and let you figure it out on your own by listening above (oh, and you’re welcome in advance).

This song was released 3 days after I got back from the perfect birthday trip to the beautifully humbling mountains of Colorado. For me, there’s something about the mountains. This wasn’t my first time there, either. I grew up going to Lake Tahoe and Colorado later on in life, and have always enjoyed my time there, but there was something different about this trip.

It’s not just the fact that we didn’t run into any bumps; the people of the town we stayed in were warm, welcoming and accommodating. The weather was perfect for skiing; we got 4 inches of fresh powder as a birthday gift to yours truly. I mean, yeah, of course I had a great time, and anyone is sad to leave vacation.

But this was more than just a vacation. It was more than just a good time. It brought back a feeling I haven’t possessed in over a year; one of freedom and pure joy. One of purpose and light. I felt rejuvenated and understood.

Since being back, I’ve felt none of those things, but I’ve surely felt pain and anxiety with their absence. I’ve felt lost, unmotivated; overall lacking something that I clearly need to do more than merely exist in the world day in and day out.

Let’s not forget about “Kansas City” and it’s role, here. As I mentioned, this song dropped 3 days after getting back from Colorado. The 2 days leading up to this release, I didn’t talk to many people. I went to work, plugged in headphones and got after it. Then Friday came. The Mowglis, in my honest and sincere opinion, are incapable of making a bad song. They just can’t do it.

That Friday, I got in my car to head to work, opened Spotify and immediately searched “Kansas City”. There’s no better time to listen to new music than on your morning commute, just trust me on this one. Colin, a member of the band, had been hyping of the song for weeks, tweeting about what it meant to him, how emotional he got playing it live at shows. Knowing that, I knew this was going to be a little different from the typical Mowgs I’m used to.

The song plays on, and my connection with it grows as each second passes. Then the pre-chorus hit, and it hit hard.

“Been in a new town, got the same issues to work through. Turns out when you move, you just take it all with you”

Did going to the mountains validate my desire to move out there someday in the near future? Yeah, of course. That’s something that’s kept me going every day. So when I heard these lines, my first reaction was ok, Taylor, whatever you’re struggling with now; it’s not going to magically go away because you’re in the mountains. It’s still going to be there underneath the surface. Then I thought about it more, and there’s nothing I feel I’m trying to run away from; there’s no obstacle directly in my way that I feel moving cities and states would resolve, even temporarily.

Throughout the day, the words in the pre-chorus echoed in my head. The problem is I didn’t have time to really delve into the thought behind it. I had a job to do, and if it wasn’t the weekend, there was no time for fun. No time for conversation. No reason to smile. No point in doing anything besides working and sleeping.

That’s when I realized, “OK. This is more than the typical post-vacation slump”.  What was it, then? To be honest, I still haven’t quite figured that out, but I’m trying to. Writing this out, up to this point, was step one. I’ve realized a lot throughout the course of the day today, mainly being that without a sense of purpose, without something driving you to utilize your skillset in it’s most viable way possible; you’ve got nothing. The fire goes out.

Is it solely up to me to relight that fire? I’m going to take a stand here and say no, but hear me out. Do I think we are, as individuals, in control of our lives and our own emotions? For sake of rounding up, we’ll say yes, sure. You have the choice to think positively or negatively in the eyes of a storm. For sure. But, as a people, as a workforce, I think we’ve got to do better. People don’t exist to neglect one another. Society has to change. We need to welcome leadership advice from unexpected sources, we need to scope out the positive qualities others bring to the table, and utilize their minds and perspectives to create things that haven’t yet been created; whatever that may be.

Does this mean I think you should base your happiness on another human being? Nope. If that’s what you’ve gotten out of this thus far, I’m either wildly misspoken, or you may want to reread through a different lens.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the purposes behind jobs, and my views are mixed. They’re necessary to give you a sense of purpose and the ability to survive in a more pleasant way. But on the other hand, I don’t agree with the idea of working just to work. I’m a firm believer that there’s a job out there for everyone that they can pursue with passion on a daily basis. That your talents, your expertise can be used for the good of a company, and the good of your mental wellbeing and soul.

I think that jobs have the ability to redefine a person’s point of view on various subject matters depending on how they’re perceived at their place of work, and if they feel they’re able to, without scrutiny or backfire,  perform the duties they were brought on board to do. I think false advertisement when it comes to job duties sets a business up for high turnover rates.

People get on millennials for not accepting the work place norms of the past, but I don’t see that as something problematic. I see it as a necessity. If you refuse to adapt to the ways of those rising up in the world socially and economically, you’re going to find yourself pushed out of business due to a competitor actually caring about culture, purpose, leadership and drive.

To tie that tangent all together, every aspect of your life affects your headspace, which in turn affects your ability to be a productive and fulfilled member of society. The mountains reminded me there is purpose out there, you just might have to look for it in unforeseeable places. Right now, I can’t see it. I haven’t figured out what my soul found in the mountains, but when i do, I’m sure I’ll be that much closer to finding that sense of purpose again.

Everything is Nothing

Compare

What does that mean to you? What popped in your head when you read that title? To me, it’s that everything in my head means nothing; nothing unless it has an outlet, unless it’s out in the open.

Surely the idea that everything one has literally means nothing could be where your mind went. That’s a natural place to go. To be honest, I didn’t know what to title this post, because I didn’t want to define it. I didn’t want it to have boundaries; just wanted it to go where it may naturally.

So. It. Goes. Hopefully you survived the year of January 2018, and are on the brighter side of this winter. Yeah, that Groundhog predicted 6 more weeks of winter, but sorry to my friends in the northeast and midwest, but I’m going to Colorado in a little over a month and would love there to be a plethora of snow on the ground. Anyways, weather is just weather, and I hope your soul is doing well.

Today; today was a good day for me. I had my first good meeting with a psychiatrist that I’ve ever had in over a year, and it was the most reassuring visit I could’ve hoped for. As many of you know, I have immense anxiety and panic disorder, and things have been excessively rough over the last few months. However, I feel like I’m on the up and up mentally, and I couldn’t be happier to say that in a public way.

Food will always be a hard spot for me, but as for now, I’m doing what my body wants: clean eating. Routine exercising. Everything consistently. It keeps my head space clear and my mental feeling good.

But, really, how are you?

If you feel you don’t have an outlet, DM me on Twitter. Send me an email.
No one should go through this world unheard and feeling alone.

The Sound of Music

The sound of music will never get old.
The battling between drums and vocals, the cohesion between guitar chords and the banging of a tambourine in between; these are the things that I’ll never take for granted.
Because of music, we’ve all been in love, had our hearts broken to then be pieced back together bit by bit.
Because of music, we’re able to share the feelings we can’t put into words.
We’re able to communicate in ways which the english, and all other languages, fail us.
Because of music, there’s no such thing as borders and boundaries.
There’s no such thing as the inability to communicate.
Because of music, we have human connection, and if that’s something you take for granted or fail to see, then you need more music in your life.
You need to open yourself up to the journey it can take you on.
You need to let go of all dispositions, tape on some headphones and put your Spotify/Pandora/Itunes/Soundcloud on shuffle.
Be one with the music, forget where you are, and go where it takes you.

Right now, let it take—and meditate—you.

 

Millennial State of Mind

Welcome to the millennial state of mind. What’s that mean? Well, it’s the mindset we —the millennials—give ourselves in order to get the job done. To grind it out. To work tirelessly towards what we want, no matter who says we can’t make it, or who says we don’t fit the mold.

It’s getting to the third round of interviews for a dream job and hearing you’re not right for the part, and then you keep trying anyway. You keep grinding at it. You keep going. You don’t stop for anyone, not even yourself, and you refuse to let a negative remark or response deter you from your goals. Sure, maybe you didn’t accomplish something you set out to, but it doesn’t mean you failed.

Why should you listen to me or anything I have to say? Because I’m like you. I’m one of you. I live within a millennial state of mind, and I have had my dreams (or what I thought were my dreams) crushed before my eyes after putting it all on the table. I wanted to quit. I wanted to give up, throw in the towel, and just stop trying. Stop grinding. Stop going after what I want, whatever that may be today. It’s tough when you put everything into something and feel that passion; that fire for what you’ve been striving to achieve only to be told no, you’re too good; you’re not good enough. You have too little experience; you have too much experience. It’s a double-edged sword and it feels like you can’t win, that you’re forever on the losing side of the spectrum.

From one millennial to another, you’ve got this. I doubted myself, but didn’t let it fully take over my reality. The second you say you can’t, you start to believe it. Little by little, it takes over your mentality and all you’ll hear yourself talk about is all of the things you can’t do. See—your brain; your mind. . . they’re powerful. You have everything you need. You have all the confidence and ability in the world. ‘Can’t’ is powerful. But guess what? so is can, and you can do anything you say you can. Why? Because you should. Because you can. Because you will. Because you’re a millennial and if nothing else, regardless of what everyone may think, we know what it takes to be crafty and get what we strive for.

 

Where Do You Go From The Bottom?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what exactly I want to do with my life. What’s my purpose, what was I put on this earth for…and such on and so forth. If you’ve ever been in this place of intense contemplation, you can probably relate. It’s insanely overwhelming, and even more confusing on multiple levels. After 2 weeks of (overly-intense) thought on this specific topic I have come to the conclusion that…I have a lot of passions, and have flaws within each and every one of them. I’ve been wondering if it’s possible to combine multiple passions into one career, and not have to constantly be feeling as if you’re missing out on one part of your soul by focusing on an entirely separate sphere for x-amount of hours a day. I don’t have an answer for that one quite yet…but I have come seemingly closer to kind of figuring something out, which is better than nothing.

One of my passions is writing. I went to school for it, killed it there for 4 years, and decided it was time to move onto something else, a different passion of mine. Over the last year and a half, I’ve been doing everything under the sun; management, working with kids, marketing, sales…You know, just creating the most random and disconnected career path to have ever existed. And here I am…contemplating where to go next. I know where I’m at now isn’t where I’m meant to be forever, but surely there has to be a reason I fell into the position I’m in. Some lesson to be learned-either in my career-world or my personal one. Some type of journey that I can’t figure out, and it’s actually that that’s driving me crazy. Having no set plan, no knowledge of where to even begin to go next; it freaks me out. Then I was thinking…What’s the one outlet I have that I can connect with others, maybe even lend a helping hand unknowingly, and express myself through one of my passions (writing)? Here. This. Blogging.

So…the next question is…how do I make a career out of this specific passion? The passion that I can actually combine all of my passions into one…how can I somehow profit from it on a soul and money level? How can I begin to make a living off of this thing, this movement that seems to be taking the world by storm? And that, my friends, I do not have the answer for. The only time i’m not entirely overwhelmed with anxiety and contemplating my life and career choices is when I’m in a coffeeshop, or bookstore, blogging. Writing is so freeing to me, and writing about the things I’m most passionate about-like health and fitness, creating balance in ones life, etc.-frees up my mind and my spirit is once again something that’s alive and thriving. So, that’s where I’m at. If anyone’s in the Austin or surrounding area, and knows of A.) any way to make a blog profitable, or B.) Knows of any writing gigs (I have a degree in Journalism!)…please feel free to contact me either through the comments or by email, which I believe is in my about me section. If not…comment and I’ll give you my email address. I hope everyone’s been having a clarifying and restful weekend with the people you hold dearly doing the things you love most.

InspiredSelf_FINAL